Why are you asking me about the best strip clubs in New Orleans? I’m not here to judge your choice of entertainment while you’re in our fair city, it’s just that not many people ask us that kind of question. I do have answers, of course. Being a goodwill ambassador for New Orleans is what I am here for. I am a fountain of knowledge about all sorts of things, as is Frau Schmitt. If you ask Frau Schmitt about the best strip clubs in New Orleans, though, she’ll probably tell you to ask me. She is usually right about these things.
This is not to hint that I spend a lot of time in strip clubs, or gentlemen’s clubs, if you prefer to call them that. In fact, I have never been in one in New Orleans, so my criteria may be different from what you use to make your own judgement.
Before we begin, we should start with what people think about burlesque in New Orleans. It’s a rather antiquated view, but it is still valid in many respects.
That’s Blaze Starr, a popular performer back in the day. She worked at the Sho-Bar on Bourbon Street in the 1950s and became romantically linked with Louisiana’s governor at the time, Huey Long’s brother: “Uncle” Earl Long, who was governor for three non-consecutive terms: 1939-1940, 1948-1952, and 1956-1960. I’m not going to give you the details of either his or Ms. Starr’s career. You can look it up yourself.
You can still find a lot of classical style burlesque in New Orleans, à la Blaze Starr or any of the other luminaries who graced the Bourbon Street stages in more elegant bygone times. It’s the same with Dixieland jazz. New Orleans loves its traditions and the old ways of doing things still survive here to be appreciated and admired.
The clubs on Bourbon Street are more like you’ll find everywhere else U.S.A., unless you live in Utah, I suppose. We’ve got your Hustler Club, your Penthouse Club, Rick’s Saloon, etc., etc. I think there are seven altogether on Bourbon Street. There are at least two more on Iberville Street in the French Quarter, riverside of Bourbon. As I’ve said, I haven’t been in. I’ve only seen the girls in bikinis on the street and the barkers trying to solicit business. I suppose I should go, in the interest of research. I’ve been everywhere else in New Orleans.
I think it is safe to assume that the Bourbon Street clubs are classier than the gentlemen’s clubs advertised on billboards along interstate highways in remote towns. I’ve never visited those, either, of course. When I pull off the highway during a long interstate drive it’s usually to go to Stuckey’s for gas and a pecan roll.
Lest you think I’m a prude, let me assure you dear reader, that I have seen plenty of naked women in my lifetime. Plenty. I’m sort of like Donald Trump in that regard, and in that regard only. Well, maybe I’m not so much like Donald Trump, but you get the idea. I’ve been around and I’ve dated my share of supermodels. Whether or not I saw any of them naked is between them and your humble narrator. The less said about this the better. I’m starting to blush and it’s none of your business anyway. A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.
How did we get on this topic anyway? Oh, yeah, it’s the title of today’s installment: The Best Strip Clubs in New Orleans.
A quick look at our old blog’s archives reveals that I’ve addressed this topic before, two years ago. If for nothing else, it’s interesting to see how your humble narrator’s style has evolved over the past 23 months. I think I meander less. YMMV. Here’s a picture of Dagmar to break things up:
Now you know where the phrase “Dagmar bumpers” comes from if you are old enough to have ever heard that phrase. Or, maybe you’re a hot rodder, or at least a classic car aficionado. I’m not here to judge.
There is a gentleman’s club around the corner from our inn. The Showcase. It’s not on Bourbon Street. It’s on North Broad Avenue. It’s our neighborhood gentlemen’s club. They open at 9:00PM and I’m usually ready for bed shortly after then. I live an innkeeper’s life and I get up early most days. The Showcase is authentic, though. I’d venture to guess that The Showcase is one of the best strip clubs in New Orleans.
There are all the places you can find easily online and in the guidebooks, and there is also a vivid and pulsating New Orleans off the tourist grid. We are located off the tourist grid, but that doesn’t mean nothing happens in our neighborhood. Plenty of things happen within a short walk from our house. You just never learn about them—-unless you stay with us.
If you choose to stay somewhere else when you are in New Orleans, most of our fellow innkeepers, as well as all the hotel concierges, will play it safe and only recommend places on the tourist map. Us? Heck, we’ll tell you where the locals go. I’m not just talking about the best strip clubs in New Orleans, either. We know a lot about a lot of things and we like to share.
What are you waiting for?
À votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade
…where everyday presents the opportunity to make good memories that will last a lifetime.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016: We went to City Hall today to take care of business. It went remarkably smoothly. City Hall is interesting but we don’t normally recommend a trip there unless you are interested in bureaucracy. If you are interested in bureaucracy, we know which bus to take to land just outside City Hall’s front door.