If you want to know some good places to stay in New Orleans, I’ve appended some commercials to give you an idea of what our competition is like. If you want to know the best place to stay in New Orleans, that answer will be revealed at the end of today’s installment.
First, do you like coffee?
If you’re a moron, you may like the in-room coffee at Holiday Inn Express. It’s located on O’Keefe Avenue, across from City Hall in New Orleans. You can serve yourself with the push of a button. Mmmmm. There’s a Holiday Inn by the airport, too. What is it with these chain hotels that have outlets across the street from the airport?
If you like to enjoy a cup of coffee with intelligent conversation, there are better places you can get it. I know of a place where the coffee is brewed every morning with chicory in it, the New Orleans way.
Second, if you want to enjoy free hot breakfast options, there’s the Hampton Inn.
What is the Hampton Inn employee complimenting that lady on? Her ability to make a self-serve waffle? You go, girl! And, what’s that joker eating, a dry waffle, some reconstituted powdered eggs, half an english muffin and a fruit cup? If he had syrup, it would be maple flavored high fructose corn syrup. Mmmm. Well, I guess you get what you pay for. There’s a Hampton Inn on Carondolet Street in New Orleans, near the French Quarter. For your enjoyment, there’s another one on St. Charles Avenue in the Garden District. There’s also a Hampton Inn by the airport in nearby Kenner, Louisiana.
I know another place in New Orleans where every morning is a curated selection of local delicacies picked up fresh every day from neighborhood bakeries, delis, caterers, cheesemongers, sausage makers and chefs.
Third, maybe you’re looking for a paid celebrity endorsement.
There are no fools at Fairfield Inn? They must just be in the marketing department. That was a long three minutes and forty-two seconds to sit through. I wonder how long it feels to spend a night in the New Orleans Fairfield Inn on Barrone Street? Of course, there is a Fairfield Inn out by the airport, too.
I know a place where some low-tier minor celebrities like to stay (I can’t tell you who they are) but that place doesn’t ask them to make themselves look like idiots to promote that inn’s business. I wouldn’t want to stay in a place like that. The place I’m talking about respects the human dignity of everyone, something none of these commercials have done so far.
Let’s see what we get from Number Four, shall we?
Sorry. Don’t be this guy. Just don’t. This just makes me sad.
The Days Inn in New Orleans is located as far as it could possibly be from anywhere you would want to be, unless you’re visiting family out in New Orleans East. There’s one by the airport, too. There’s always a Days Inn by every airport, isn’t there? It’s there for business travelers who have to take an early AM flight.
The place I’m thinking about has very comfortable beds that will tempt you to stay in them, and each suite does have a television. The place I’m thinking about, though, doesn’t encourage you to sit in your room to watch TV while you’re in New Orleans. Go out and have some adventures, will ya? That’s what New Orleans is all about. It’s about living your life to its fullest, not eating out of a take-out box in your underwear while wearing a donut-shaped pillow around your neck. That’s sad. It’s very, very sad.
There always has to be a five. For our fifth commercial, let’s look at how one online travel agent (OTA, as we say in the business) tries to attract customers to book hotels through its site. Now you know why some boutique operations don’t offer their inventory on booking.com, or expedia, or priceline, or hotels.com, etc, etc, etc….
Oh, for the love of Pete!
Look, if you want to stay at the best place to stay in New Orleans, you have plenty of options. Me? I’m partial to La Belle Esplanade, as you might expect. We run a boutique experience New Orleans inn here. We do everything we can NOT to insult your intelligence.
You’re already on our website. Poke around. Investigate what we have to offer. If you’re interested in what we have to offer, and believe me, you can do a lot worse (A LOT worse), you can make a reservation directly on our website. It’s the only way to make a reservation at La Belle Esplanade. We try not to attract the kind of chuckleheads who think that booking.com commercial is appealing. Ours is a different target demographic. Anyone can book a room through an OTA. We cater to the kind of guests who can read a book.
We only have five suites so we tend to fill up early. If you are thinking of visiting New Orleans and you want to stay in a real neighborhood close to the French Quarter, but also close to other things you won’t find in most guidebooks, you know where to find us. We’re on Esplanade Avenue, what I always say is the second most beautiful street in New Orleans. Good memories are made on our street.
What’s the most beautiful street in New Orleans? If you stay with us, I’ll be happy to tell you. The answer may surprise you.
Let’s take a look at what breakfast looks like at La Belle Esplanade. You won’t have to make your own waffle here.
You can stay at some chain hotel if you want to. I’m not going to stop you. If you are partial to thinking outside the big box, though, our part of New Orleans is full of surprises—the good kind of surprises.
Stay in New Orleans like you belong here. Not like a tourist, but like someone primed to fall in love with this magical city we call home. You’ll call it home, too. If you only stay for a weekend, you’ll be back. Once bitten, New Orleans gets under your skin.
Now for something tasteful:
Who’s Sinatra looking at in the camera? He’s looking straight at New Orleans. Take a look at New Orleans. You’ll fall in love, too. Take a look at La Belle Esplanade.
À votre santé,
La Belle Esplanade
…where every morning is a curated salon of fresh foods and fresh conversations.
August 12, 2016: Two days of rain, it’s August in the northernmost Caribbean city, after all, but there is a smile on everyone’s face.