Somebody Put Something In My Drink

Some scamp put something in my drink in New Orleans.  It doesn’t happen often, at least not to me.  I don’t hang out at The Boot.  There was some kerfuffle at the Banks Street Bar, another place I rarely frequent, a few months ago but I forget the details.  I’ll ask Courtney the next time I see her.  She’ll remember.  She has a mind like a trap about these things.

Anyhow, I felt a need to wash my hands and I left my drink at the bar, as I always do.  Only a paranoiac would bring their drink to the men’s room.  I’ve seen people do it.  I’ve seen them bring a sandwich in there because they didn’t feel confident to leave it on the table while they were away.  I can’t live my life like that.  I trust people.  Call me naive.  You won’t be the first to do so.

I left my drink with my phone, my laptop, a book I’m halfway through, that day’s Wall Street Journal, a pencil case, and an opened roll of Sweet Tarts where I was sitting.  That’s my standard equipment for an afternoon on the town.  Everyone thinks I’m retired.  Sometimes a man just needs to wash his hands.

When I got back, someone had put something in my drink.  It was a gummy worm.

I like gummy candies.  I don’t usually eat the worm-shaped variety.  They are too long for my taste.  I prefer the bears.  I prefer to eat only short French fries, too.  Ask anybody.

I knew there were gummy worms in the bar because, earlier, Sarah had picked some up at Winn Dixie to make the cocktail of the day.  I forget what the cocktail was.  It was too sweet for my tastes so I didn’t take the time to remember it.  Just looking at it, I knew I wouldn’t like it.  That’s my way.  The only sweet things I like are Sweet Tarts and Frau Schmitt, who is the better half of the operation at La Belle Esplanade.  Surely, Sarah, the bartender on duty, wouldn’t dope my drink with a gummy worm.  Sarah is too good-natured for that.

The lawyers were there, Geo, Ryan, and Matt.  They come for a long lunch once a week.  They like to commandeer the corner where I like to sit, respecting my boundaries, of course.  I looked each one squarely in the eye.  “Which one of you put something in my drink?” I asked.

They all denied it.  It is almost impossible to get a straight answer out of a lawyer without paying for it.

I could tell by Geo’s smirk that he knew more than he was letting on.  I didn’t push it.  Like I say, these three characters respect my boundaries and generally let me read my newspaper in peace.  I trust them.  Call me naive.  They do.

I never did get to the bottom of this mystery.  Time will tell.  Stay tuned.

It turns out that a gummy worm marinated in well whiskey and Aperol is quite tasty. I asked Sarah if she could bring me another.  I indulged myself in a decadent treat.  I felt like a Roman emperor.

Sarah’s face said it all.

Sarah is very good-natured.

Everyone in New Orleans is good-natured, really, at heart.  I haven’t made any enemies in my eleven years living here, nor do I expect to.  We just go with the flow in New Orleans.  The Mississippi River is called the Big Muddy for a reason.  Everything comes out in the wash.

If you want to have some authentic New Orleans adventures and visit like you live in this wonderful city we call home, you are on the right website.  We only have five suites at our tiny, personalized hotel so book early.  When New Orleans calls you have to answer.  La Belle Esplanade is here for you.

Five nights is the perfect amount of time to get a real flavor of the city in the round.  Visit like you mean it.  If you are good-natured, you will fit right in.  Everyone does.  There is always something to talk about.  We look forward to sharing our part of New Orleans with you.